I needn’t care.

I’ve cried today, but not exactly the weep, that had come on and off through these long yrs. I cried about his usual lack of connection, and care about all that I am. I don’t know exacting why I stopped caring about his disconnect from the kids. I’ve fallen into his trap and have blamed the boys, and myself, without looking at and remembering he his mental troubles. It’s hard to stay the course, and have the courage to move on. It takes tons of mental reworking, and rewiring.

At this point I have been living alone,(he moved out) as a single mom for probably over 6 yrs. Married to him for 10. While he was here I did everything while he sat in his room doing nothing for me or the boys. All our holidays were spent, with me and the boys…. Me doing everything while he avoided us like the plague. How on earth could a woman be put through so much suffering, really? Oh, man. If I had a daughter!! No way in hell would I allow anyone to treat her with this kind of crazy. Total abandonment. He has not touched me in over 7 yrs. Anyhow. Who the heck allows this in their life?! Lol! Oh my goodness.

Now, he’s gotten his license. He’s disconnected. He’s acting completely out of his mind. Like I said. Disconnected. Yelling at me about Paul(a man I slept w/3 yrs ago after he moved out)and doesn’t seem to know who I am anymore. He seems to be playing some control game (like he did when he lived with us) or he’s moving on with someone else.  I need not care!

I need to just get my divorce in order. All my guys keep me happy and this is what I need. Happy and healthy!


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