Proud Woman, Under a Baby Blanket. 

It’s the first day of my last wk on the job at the hotel. It’s felt almost unbearable. My guests are amazing. Management angers me like you wouldn’t believe. I won’t get into that. I made it through. 

Tomorrow, as it’s Monday, I’ll be making appointments for Camden (my autistic 12 y/o son). Dental-immediete as he’s complaining of a toothache, well-child, SS Disability- to make sure they have this yrs paper work. It’s all a bit overwhelming and difficult to get done while working F/T, during business day/hours. I plan on leaving work early tomorrow. May not be into work on Tuesday. I’m trying to keep in mind that I need the job reference, so I can’t just ‘not’ complete the last wk of my notice. 

Despite how I feel when these assholes I work with talk to me, I need to stay proud and keep going till next Sunday. It’s not a long time.

Then, it will be over and time to start anew.

Tonight, after the bath I’m taking, I’ll be going to the gym and then doing taxes for Dakota and myself. This extra cash will be needed. 

Let’s get it!!

Update: went to the gym… Not fun. Spent a little over 15 minutes there. 😦 Cried like a baby and left. Then cried some more. 

Finished my taxes (thanks to my bf Neno!) using a free online app.. Getting a very nice refund back! WIN! Assisting my son w/ his tomorrow night. 

Neno and I finally fixed my Fitbit Charge 2. 

Fist bump! That things not been synking since Dec. It turns out, my cell phone case caused the Bluetooth to not pick up on the cell signals. A new cell case is in order. 

Tonight I’ll be tracking my sleep and planning for tomorrow. Steps, stairs, calories. Maybe joining a challenge. I’ve wanted to do that with this thing for the longest time! 

To do: make ‘all the’ appointments #1. Camdens dental -immediate! 

applause, courage

Looking fancy

Went out with my son Dakota and my beautiful bf Neno today.  Felt the urge to binge whilst watching the guys eat tons of flavorful food, but curbed my own cravings by purchasing something veggie. I was full of resentment and identifed the dark stupid feels. I recognized that my addiction to food is incredibly powerful and we had a great conversation about how this disorder. How important it is to make good food decisions. We did some food shopping for the junk my boy Camden loves to eat. Found a great outfit for interviews. Did my nails, and found a nice white paint for the downstairs hall. Just need to scrap the old calking off the tub, tape it up and re-calk it. Getting it together.

Fixing my environment, and fancying things up. I must add color and brightness to my life as I go… must keep smiling.


Today is Better than Yesterday

After a tremulous relationship with the hotel I’ve been working at for over a yr now, I’ve decided to move on. It was difficult giving my notice. I won’t get into details, because NONE of it matters anymore. None of it matters now, or in the grand scheme of things. I want to be happy.

This is that slow, dark month of February. It’s the dead of winter and I’m beginning to fall away from feel habits. Hopes and dreams drifting away like the snow as the seasonal sadness that was due drives me into the ground. Self-distruction began. My brain feels like shattered ice, long after binge drinking 2 days ago. My skin welling up in pink bumps after overeating in my lazy haste to calm anxiety, distract and to quell the chaos in this poor shell of mine.

For the sake of me and mine. My habits must change. I have my childrens attention. These beautiful

men practice the negative thought patterns and behaviours they are accustomed to seeing.  For us, I must be happy!

Number One: Trumpledump becoming president has overwhelmed my senses.  I will not waste any of my time peering through a screen at social-media sites, reading newspapers or watching TV news, depicting whatever on-coming horrors this fucktard has for our country. I’ll likely not be notified of protests, marches, or petitions… but I’ll be involved in whatever I find within my communiy to stem whatever damage comes our way.  Fuck the media right now.

All my time shall now be spent getting things done. Outside of work A daily to-do list that includes appointments, house cleaning, and SHAPING-UP at the gym. I’ll be blogging along to keep me motivated and moving forward.

Onward to brighter days!

courage, spiritual

To the Universe:

I’m looking for support and strength from wherever I can find it. I’d like to ask my source, and whatever positive energy, angels etc… to stay with me and my boys during these difficult times. I’m struggling with a soon to be ex-husband. Married 10 yrs, seperate living 7 yrs (sex a handful of times the first yr, but that was it.)My 18 y/o child with aspergers is resisting growth and opportunity. My 16 y/o is in drivers ed, and desires to drive immediately even though I don’t drive or have a vehicle. (I need someone to help him practice and get the hrs he needs, in order to get his license.) I homeschool my soon to be 10 y/o, who is autistic and doesn’t exactly like to cooperate with me. I just need strength, courage and focus. I’d like a sign that everything will be OK, if possible. Thanks. 🙂

courage, volunteerism

Mission Possible: Volunteer!

Tomorrow I’m heading out to First Assembly Church to see if they will allow me to help out. I’ve got tons of meaning handling my children, but eventually I’d like to take a CNA course offered through MMC. I’ll need references. I don’t mind doing food distribution, and general stuff for helpful religious orgs even though I am an agnostic. I grew up subsisting on food pantries, so I know how it works. There are a few other places close to home where I can offer support as well. I’ll check them out and ask around for volunteer opportunities. I can keep busy and earn the references I need, doing some good for the community, without spending too much time out of the house and away from the kids.




Chin up. Smile, God Damn it!